empty heart..

it's a sunny day..
but, why do i feel so dark, as if its gonna rain soon.
trying to put a wide smile on my face..
pretend to be happy, and nothing happened.
... it is so hard.

i'm tired, i'm tired of pretending.
it's not fun at all.
feels like giving up =[
but how could i give up on something that i care so much??!
i'm sad, i feel so restless.
GOD are you PUNISHING me??
it's so hard for me to find someone that i really care and love, in the end this happen??!
LoLx, are you kidding me?!

"i wanna be with you!!"
"me too, but..."

do you know how hurt is it to see this??
arghx..
i feel like chopping off my legs.
what can i do?..
i LIKE you, i LOVE you!!
i wish i could just shout to the whole world..
but, what's the point of doing that since you wanted to stay in this way.
i wanted to wait, but you said "NO"
you thinks that's too selfish..
so what am i suppose to do??
i really don't know =[
can you tell me?
can you teach me??!

i can't imagine when i see that message i was totally LOST and OUT of CONTROL..
i turn on my iPod, choosing those heart broken song, screaming and shouting in the middle of the night at 3a.m.
LoLx, it's so not me..
i did not sleep well, kept awake.
feels so weird, heart is so pain although nothing actually happened..
but THE MESSAGE IS REALLY BOTHERING ME!!
i wish, we could just be the same.
hoping the things we chat last night can fade away ASAP!!
just DON'T avoid me T.T"